Lazy Tailgating, Southern Style

If you think about it, the concept of lazy tailgating produces a conundrum: are you lazy in getting to the tailgate/setting up, or are you lazy in the act of tailgating?
Take some lazy tailgating tips and do a simple grill Southern Travel Southern Lifestyle Southern Vacation

Get into the big game with little effort

Upon conducting a scientific study* (*I asked a bunch of guys who are seriously into tailgating … I mean, really, you pretty much don’t see them during the fall unless their team has a bye week), I concluded that my initial thesis was correct and that “lazy tailgating” refers to the act of tailgating once you are at the tailgating site.

Also, if I were recommending how to lazy tailgate on the way to tailgating, I would just advise stay home, wake up super late, and pop open a bag of Doritos and a frosty cold one during the commercials before kickoff and call it a win for tailgaters everywhere.  It doesn’t get much lazier than that unless you have someone bring you the Doritos and IPA while you’re still in bed.  Hmm…

I digress.  So, what we are going to discuss and analyze here are the key ingredients for a perfect day of lazy (so lazy) tailgating.

The right folding chair can make a big difference in lazy tailgating

Make sure you sit on it

So, we all know that metal folding chair with canvas seats are the gold standard for any sporting or tailgating event. They fold up easily and unfold easily.  Life is good, right?  Here’s how to maximize your laziness.  Get one of those chairs, but get one that has a cup holder armrest and a footrest.  Your friends all have to kind of balance with their feet on the ground; meanwhile, you’re lounging like a king.  Lazy level = 8

If you want to step up your lazy level on the reclining forefront, get some friends invested in the lazy concept and use a trailer or pickup flatbed to bring an old couch or loveseat to your tailgating den.  Yes, this is very frattish, but let’s be honest … who’s going to be laughing when you’re kicking it on your plush microfiber sofa.  Those guys in folding chairs?  I think not.

Chicken wings are a great addition to any tailgate

Eat like a king

Tailgating food can elevate your day from lazy to psychotically weeping, “How did Mom do all of this? You kids are so ungrateful!” in no time flat.  If you’re committed to lazy, you may have to skimp on the overall quality (but this doesn’t translate to bad) because you don’t want to be minding a gumbo pot or a boiling pot of crawfish all day to ensure that the food is Michelin Star quality. (Note: food will be important to have as you’re most likely going to be dislodging the contents of your once-full cooler throughout the day).

Here are the best ways to accomplish lazy tailgating and still get fed:

• Buy pre-made burgers and all the fixins’ and just do a quick grill.  (Yeah, it’s not gourmet, but do you know who spent less than five minutes handling it?  You.  That’s right.)

• Put someone else in charge of the food.  You’re bringing the sectional from your Aunt Mavis’ garage.  It is really too much to ask that your wife’s friend’s boyfriend Tater make the gumbo?  Come on!  It’s a football game.  Teamwork!

• Go with the snack attack and just buy every snack food that you love (no cooking required).  Tons of chips, guacamole, cheese dip, salsa, fruit, vegetable, cheese, and meat platters feed a crowd, and after you cut the sticky tape with the price of your lazy freedom, your hands are untied.

Enjoy lazy tailgating with your trusty beer cooler

Flaunt your laziness

This might be for advanced learners only, but if you’re both truly lazy and committed, bring a TV (and an X-Box).  I felt like Luke watching Yoda and Obi-Wan in live action at a tailgating gathering one time as Yoda reclined in his folding chair with the cup holder arm rest and foot rest (until it broke) and Obi-Wan played some version of Madden on the TV/video game system they had hooked up.  One tweak of the Apple TV later, and we were watching a game while playing a game while waiting for a game.  I’m pretty sure that the lazy good times aren’t even that sweet in the sky boxes where they use $100 bills as napkins (or so I assume … someone invite me, so I can stop making things up).

What I’m saying is lazy tailgating is both achievable and awesome.  Assess your situation and do the best you can.  If the best you can do is the footrest/armrest folding chair combo and just volunteering to bring some chips and a few cases of suds (that you’ll more or less bogart), then so be it.  If you have friends equally devoted to lazy tailgating, then go for the Bowl.  Bring the indoor furniture outdoors.  Set up the gaming system, and set that grill to auto-sear (or try smoked hamburgers … they take about an hour to make, but require no attention and taste better than always being right (which, surely you are).  So, are you ready to kick this tailgating business into ultra slow gear?  Me, too!  Geaux Team!

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