In the age of the Internet, I think it’s fair to agree that the things Northerners and Southerners have in common are increasingly obvious. For example, we both have Real Housewives, and both groups have ridiculous sounding accents (made worse when they start hair pulling, which from what I’ve seen is all of the time).
So, see, we already have lots in common.
For at Least 3 Months of the Year, We Both Have Insufferable Weather
In the North, this time is called winter, and those of us in the South literally cannot imagine what you endure. You’ve seen us freak out when it snows (we know you laughed at us, but that’s okay … we did the same thing with that alleged hurricane you guys had that time).
Even without the snow, our flimsy tank-top-loving lifestyle is not conducive for winter weather. As I watched the Weather Channel and saw your temperatures dip into the negatives, I declared, “That’s not even a temperature!” I was very sympathetic.
On the flip side, if you’ve never experienced the humid heat of a southern summer, I can assure you, that while you freeze in the winter, we melt in the summer. I’ve often declared that we should have heat stroke days down here during the summer because it gets so hot you can hear it (people down here know what I mean).
Despite This, We Refuse to Leave
Despite the fact that you have weather that registers in temperatures I don’t even understand and despite the fact that our temperatures reach triple digits during the heat of summer, we wouldn’t dare leave. In the south, after approximately two months of “winter” (read, 50-degree temperatures), we are all posting that we “can’t wait to start complaining about the heat again,” and it’s so true.
Our Villages Both Have Idiots
I know you’ve seen the news from the South for years on end. I feel sure you judged us harshly as you watched us deep fry butter and then complain about chest pains like it wasn’t our fault. I know that was never the worst of it. Then, the Internet came along, and you met an actual Southerner or perhaps one of your friends went to college in the south and reported back that it wasn’t so bad!
Likewise, someone in our camp did the same, and we were like, oh, wow! They’re not all like that (insert worst person from your state ever).
We Both Think Our Food is Awesome
Deep-fried butter not withstanding, Southern cuisine is phenomenal; we slow-cook our cuisine like the Italians do. Every dish has a story and a history that’s sometimes sad and painful, but it also makes the food taste better. There’s nothing worth eating that’s not made with love here.
On the flip side, I watched Top Chef: Boston … I know what’s up with that clam chowder. Bostonians are super proud of it, just like New Yorkers and people from New Jersey (New Jersians?) are beyond proud of their Italian heritage and their grandma’s secret family recipes (I watched Top Chef: All Stars … I saw Mike Isabella sentimentally reflect on his grandma’s cooking and nearly win with pepperoni sauce).
In all seriousness and my Top Chef addiction aside, I think we can agree that we are both justly proud of our cuisine.
We Are Super Proud of Where We Come From
Despite the fact that we have some embarrassing dumb-dumbs or apple-faced goons from our area, we are ultimately really proud of the place we call home. When people come to the south or ask me about what to do, I feel like my toddler when she shows people her bedroom. My baby will take a visitor by the hand, escort them to her bedroom, and proceed to show them every book, toy, and stuffed animal in the room.
I’m that way about my home. I’m like, “Look at our awesome Battleship; you can tour it. Have you eaten at The Noble South yet? No? I’m obsessed with it! You absolutely should come back for Mardi Gras.” I feel quite sure you’re the same way, yes?
We all agree on a few other things, too … like the fact that Monday should also be a holiday, that way, we have one more day to sleep in, but then Friday doesn’t lose its awesome status as the best day of the work week.
See, we have lots in common. I’ll be the first to admit that I love visiting the north. I like walking everywhere in your nice cities, and I appreciate the change of pace. I think you’d enjoy visiting the south. I think you’d enjoy our sugar-sand beaches, our warm weather, our laid-back lifestyle, and our delicious food. You’re more than welcome to come try it.